Even if you've never seen the motion picture classic, Gone With The Wind, you're likely aware of the final scene of the movie.
Scarlett pleads," Rhett, Rhett... Rhett, if you go, where shall I go? What shall I do? "
The same conversation takes place between players, coaches and parents every season in Travel Baseball. I've watched friends leave teams, left teams myself and been criticized for my involvement in both. The fallout varies based on what method of separation is used.
The Shakespeare Method"Parting is such sweet sorrow." This may be the rarest method of player/team separation because it involves genuine feelings between the coach, player and family. A calm and rational exchange of ideas is expressed, well wishes abound and it all ends in a group hug! I can hear 'Kumbaya' softly playing in the distance. If this is what you've experienced leaving a team, count yourself lucky...it's like seeing Halley's Comet, it only happens once every 75 years.
The Ultimatum
This is the most common form of player/team separation. An Ultimatum is defined as "A promise that force or punishment will be used if someone does not do what is wanted".
I recently received a call from a friend asking if I knew of any teams looking for players. In my friend's opinion, her son needed to be challenged, get out of his comfort zone and move to a different level of baseball. Was her son having a bad experience on his current team? Did he hate the coach or other families involved? Quite the contrary. Her son loved the coach, kids and parents. It was just TIME for her son to try something different. Upon telling the coach and team manager their decision to leave, the coach responded with an ultimatum, "If you leave, you can never come back."
If you think this kind of response is the exception, not the rule, you are wrong. Just last week I received a phone call from a coach telling me if my son didn't stop playing for Team X, he wouldn't be allowed to play with his team, Team Y. I was told to make a decision and let him know. Interestingly enough, Team Y hadn't started playing yet and won't until the high school season is over. My son isn't in high school and was playing with Team X for practice. Team X's coach knew, when school was out, my son was going to finish the Summer season with the team he committed to, Team Y.
The problem is, ultimatums are deal breakers; they end relationships. When you give someone an ultimatum you need to be prepared for the person to walk away. Which is what our family decided to do. The fallout can only be described as NUCLEAR! Here are a few quotes found in the email I received from the Coach who issued the ultimatum.
- You have burned down bridges with almost every facility and organization in town.
- You completely disrespected myself, my organization and coaches.
- I had 4 different people on my team and 10+ clients tell me to stay as far away from you and your son as possible.
- It's a shame you blew a chance to help him get 'there' with our knowledge and experience and contacts with every SEC school in the country and scouts from every team in the league.
Unfortunately, it's been my experience that almost 100% of the time, when someone is issued an ultimatum, it doesn't go well.
Parents aren't the only ones who deal with poor treatment. I've talked to many coaches who are victims of irate parents. These coaches are punished for cutting players and making decisions they feel are best for the team. This issue is an equal opportunity offender and scars everyone involved, including the players themselves.
Leaving a team can make you feel like the most hated family in town. None of us want to take our kid to the
baseball field and deal with glares and whispers behind our backs.
Having put a team together, I know first hand the amount of time invested in the process, the sacrifices that need to be made and how it feels when the team doesn't stay together.
When it comes to leaving a team most families take a great deal of time weighing their decision. As parents, we have the ultimate responsibility to do what is best for our child. If the separation is handled well, or at the very least, cordially, friendships can be salvaged and doors remain open.
However, if you're involved in an ugly baseball divorce, do what you think is best, develop a thick skin and get a sense of humor.
But, when all else fails and you're faced with an opinion or ultimatum you don't appreciate and the coach demands to know what to do about the roster or the jersey he ordered?
Remind him of what Rhett Butler famously told Scarlett as he walked out the door, "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn."
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