Baseball Parents. The New. The Old. The Unforgettable!

THE GLADIATOR

Russell Crowe stands at the center of the Roman Colosseum. The crowd, on it's feet, sends deafening cheers into the air.

Oddly enough,  it wouldn't even come close to what you hear at a high school baseball game. It's a little known fact that baseball parents can generate 10 times the decibel level of a jet engine when their kid gets rung up on a low ball. True Story.

This got me thinking about the reputation of baseball parents. Some may call us delusional, even crazy. There are those you hope you never see again, but always run into at the field.  As the high school season comes to a close, I have become introspective, dare I say, sentimental, about the baseball families I've known throughout the years.

THE NEW

The hardest part of playing on a new team is learning the parental hierarchy.  Best to stop, look and listen for a few games before you make your move.  If you can find your way, the year will be golden. One misstep and you better hope their kid graduates or you'll be sitting by yourself for another year.  Anyone who knows me has already decided I must have sat by myself, a bunch.  Well, I am happy to say there a few parents still willing to risk sitting next me. These wonderful people are watching their son's high school career come to a close while I watch my son's begin.  It's bitter sweet for both of us.  It was a joy meeting and learning from these great families. I only wish the New Ones could stay a little longer, I hate breaking in new people.

THE OLD

Like a comfortable pair of shoes, the Old Ones are the cornerstone of the baseball season. You've watched your kids grow up together. Talked about the coaches behind their backs and shared Gatorade from one another's coolers for years.  When they play on the same team you cheer together. When they don't, you have a hard time cheering against them, but you do.  The Old Ones may come in and out of your life, but like a foul ball, it's always nice to catch them every once in a while.

THE UNFORGETTABLE

In a baseball parent's life, the Unforgettable Ones are like the elusive Yeti, you're pretty sure it exists,  but you may have trouble finding one.  These are the relationships that impact you and your son for years to come.  The Unforgettable Ones know you better than you know yourself.  They can see the expression on your face, and in some instances, read your mind in time to slap a piece of duct tape across your mouth before you can say a word.  Make a veiled post on Facebook, and the Unforgettable parent will know exactly what you really mean.  You may even receive a text asking, what's up?  Most of all, you both genuinely care about each other's son, which unfortunately, is rare.  No matter how far apart...you're always family, always cheering each other on and always looking forward to the next time you're together.

IN THE END

Tonight I'll be at a game with the New, the Old and a few Unforgettable parents. We'll be wildly cheering for our Gladiators, nodding 'hello' to those we want to avoid, and in the end, hugging each other in victory or defeat. We'll pass this down to the next generation and the tradition will continue for years to come. What can you say,  we're baseball parents...that's what we do!

A big thanks to the NEW Ones, and their sons, for making Freshman year a treat! GO HAWKS!

2014 The Year, and Injury, That Changed The Way I Think About Baseball

2014 was a baseball year like no other.  It started off with the normal decisions...what team to play with, where to hit, who we were still talking to after last season.   But this season would be different from all those before it.


This was the big eighth grade year...the last season before high school.  Our original plan was to play a little middle school ball, a last hurrah with school pals and then play with an older team to prepare for Freshman year.  What's that famous quote? "The best laid plans of mice and men..."

In the semi final game of the middle school season, it happened. A freak accident at the plate. Tagging the runner at home, his foot slipped on the plate and the knee, well, went in a direction knees don't like to go.  The pain was excruciating. The waiting to hear the diagnosis was worse. Two weeks and one MRI later, the news was good, sort of.  It wasn't a torn ACL. It was a severe bone bruise that would take months to heal.

The injury was eye opening for all of us.  The knee dictated when and how much he played.  It also helped us focus on what was truly important.  Was it worth risking further injury for a trophy or a ranking?  I know people were angry and disappointed when we elected to rest and not push the knee. After all, we had played almost  year round since he was nine years old.  Realizing health and future goals were more important than a 14U baseball tournament was a turning point for our family.

The big tournament of the year was the USA Baseball 15U East Championship in Jupiter, Florida.  Ten days of the best competition in the country and a chance for the USA Baseball coaches, college and pro scouts to get a good look at the players.  The knee wasn't 100% better, but good enough to head down south to play a little baseball on what felt like, the surface of the Sun.  What an incredible week capped off with pitching 5 scoreless innings against Team Phenom in the Semi Final game at Roger Dean Stadium.  The USA Coaches liked what they saw, an 89 mph on the radar gun. Things were looking good for the trip to Cary, North Carolina and a shot at a spot on the 40 man USA 15U National Team Roster.

Maybe there were warning signs.  Maybe he should have mentioned it, he didn't.  Standing on the mound in his USA Mid Atlantic uniform, surrounded by radar guns and spectators, it happened.  The first inning of the first game,  he signaled to the coach and came out of the game.  Something didn't feel right in his elbow and his dream of making the USA team was over, for now.

We were told to watch the arm.  When the K.C. Royals scout team called, he went ahead and played.  Eventually, the discomfort in his arm coupled with hearing me repeatedly ask, 'how do you feel'  led to another MRI and more waiting...




When a career altering injury is lurking in the background, you begin to look back at the decisions you made as a parent.  Did I fool myself into thinking the more he played, the better he'd be at the game?  Was year round baseball a contributing factor to the injury?  Were the trophies in his room worth risking his long term health?  Surely by now, we've all heard  the dangers of allowing our son's to play year round baseball.  If you haven't, look up the articles by Dr. Andrews, the most famous Tommy John surgeon in the United States, and see what he has to say about the subject.  You may begin to do things a little differently...I would have.

The Good News, no torn ligament.  The Bad News, six weeks without throwing and a slow progression back to pitching when the pain was completely gone.  Let me just say, the pain of the elbow was nothing compared to the PAIN of not throwing for 6 weeks!

Everything is back to normal and some really cool things happened.  He was invited for an unofficial visit to The University of Tennessee, made the Varsity Baseball team at HVA and is going back to Jupiter, Florida for another shot at the USA 15U National Team.

If he stays healthy...

Articles:
Dr. James Andrews

http://www.cbssports.com/general/writer/gregg-doyel/24554338/growing-addiction-among-baseball-players-tommy-john-surgery

http://metsmerizedonline.com/2014/05/dr-james-andrews-explains-spike-in-tommy-john-surgeries.html/

Caught In a Run Down. Are Travel Teams Really Eroding Community Baseball?

I stumbled upon the article, Stealing Home: How Travel Teams Are Eroding Community Baseball, by former Chicago Tribune reporter, David Mendell.  Having grown up in Chicago and, because of my obsession with travel baseball, I thought I'd give it a glance.

Mendell tells a quick story of how, while coaching his son's baseball team, he hears a booming voice from behind speak the words every parent longs to hear, "You got a nice little ball player there."  

Flattery Will Get You Everywhere

At one time or another, every parent with a kid on a travel baseball team has heard something along those lines from a coach.  If you have, he was interested in adding your son to his team roster.  I remember the first time I witnessed it happening with my son. Coach Jeff Hawn, a LEGEND in the Knoxville baseball community, approached us at Ryder's football game.  Let me repeat that, a FOOTBALL game.  Not only did the Coach express his interest in having our son on his new travel team, he made a point of coming to a football game to do it.  

Coach Hawn also saw something in a pitcher from Loudon County. Cam Hope was playing in a recreational league when the Coach plucked him out of obscurity and added him to his roster. 

Throughout the next several years, I watched Coach recruit players. I also watched parents ask, no beg, him to let their son play on one of his teams. You see, Coach has an eye for good ball players and most of the time, he's right. 

It's flattering to have a coach believe your kid is good enough to play at a 'higher' level.  When Coach approached us, our son was ten years old and Cam was eleven.  When Mendell heard the voice in Chicago, he coached a nine year old team.  

I'd like to say I was appalled by the idea of young children being recruited to play at a higher level. I wish I could have mustered up some self righteous rant about ruining my son's childhood.  Instead we put our son into Coach's hands and played with him for several seasons.  

The years with the Coach were some of the best we've had in baseball.  Ryder, and his buddy Cam, were the best 1-2 punch in town, with Cam starting and Ryder closing. The teams did well in Cooperstown, local and major tournaments. However, looking back with a more objective lens,  I wonder if  it was as rosy as I thought. 

Winning Is Everything

My mom likes to say, "It's always fun when you're winning!"  But what about when you're losing? What happens when the stress of being on a travel team gets bigger than a nine or ten year old can handle? These kids MUST experience a higher level of stress than kids playing on a little league or rec team.  Winning becomes the goal on travel teams.  Development takes a back seat and buckled up beside him, is Fun. 

Travel baseball implies a 'win at all costs' mentality.  Local tournaments are the worst for ELITE teams because local baseball teams are the very ones they MUST beat!  Losing means suffering the humiliation after the game or  Monday at school lunch tables. Worst of all, the parents of these 'higher level' players expect a lot more out of their kids.  Travel baseball is very expensive. Parent's expect a payback for their sacrifices when they are hiring coaches, traveling to other cities and living out of suitcases every weekend. There is also internal competition on a travel team. Each player competes against his own teammate to be the best. Parents also want their kid to be the best, bat high in the line up or be the starting pitcher. I am sure winning is fun for the kids, but does the end justify the means?  Does the added stress, extra practice and pressure allow the game to be fun? Or is fun ancillary compared to better competition and higher baseball IQ?

Ice Packs and Advil 

I also agree with Mendell when he points out the physical costs incurred by travel baseball players.  I remember one parent made his son throw 100 pitches a day to get ready for the weekend tournaments.  Regardless of how many times he was told NOT to overwork his son's arm, he didn't listen. Tommy John surgery is becoming an epidemic among MLB players and everything points to over use at a young age.  It's not strictly a pitcher's problem.  Young players are practicing year round and in some parts of the country, playing year round.  It's okay to assume young kids can bounce back quickly from physical activity, but playing four to six games a weekend, sleeping in hotel rooms and  three hour car rides home, exhausts a kid. Parents need to be aware of the toll travel baseball takes on their sons.  The 100 pitch parent ended up damaging his son's arm and he couldn't throw for a year.   What did the parent do? He hired a coach to teach his son how to pitch left handed.  Ice packs and Advil can't fix everything. 

Is Erosion Real?

When travel teams dominate a community,  solid baseball teams become extinct, much like present day college basketball teams with the 'one and done' movement.  The travel ball players are taken from other teams to form ELITE teams.  In this respect, the community does suffer.  The days of  'fun' being the focus, are gone.  The teams built for dominance don't want to play locally and the teams built for fun and development struggle to find tournaments.   I have heard stories about the Golden Days of Knoxville Baseball. Coach Hawn talks about the great teams of years ago and how the pool of talented players was much deeper.  Was that because those players developed a more comprehensive skill set before they joined a travel team or perhaps the travel ball system wasn't the out of control machine it is today? 

My son is 14 this year.  This season is unlike any before it.  After being asked to play on an ELITE team, he ultimately decided to play for  two teams. The coaches have his back and protect him. His teammates make him laugh and are behind him 100%. These teams play good competition and practice often, but they've found a way to stay loose and enjoy the game.

The grind will start again in high school and the quest for a college scholarship will take center stage. Sometimes it feels like being caught in a run down each time my son chooses a new team. Travel baseball can be stressful, but if you get a big enough lead...a good enough jump...you may end up scoring and finding just the right team.  


Stealing Home: How Travel Teams Are Eroding Community Baseball, http://wapo.st/1m3i19U via @washingtonpost By David Mendell

Sheri Super is a Realtor in Knoxville, TN, an Avid Baseball Fan and Ryder's Mom.

Hitting Until My Hands Bleed or Hard Work Pays Off

It's amazing how good players make everything look easy. On their best days, they make it look effortless and on their worst days, they're still the best on the field.  

It always catches me off guard when parents and players make comments like, "I wish my son could hit like that." "I'd do anything to be able to hit home runs like him." "He has a lot of natural ability and God given talent." 

God given talent and natural ability are certainly a big part of an athlete's success, but wanting to be better tomorrow than you are today takes more than wishing.  Cher said it best in her 80's fitness commercial, "If it came in a bottle, everyone would have a great body." Well, if it came in a bottle, anyone who picked up a bat would be a great baseball player.

 Are You Willing to do What it Takes?

 “Many years ago the legendary golf pro, Gary Player, was hitting balls off the practice tee one morning, and the first ball he hit went 280 yards straight as a bullet.  A guy in the gallery just within earshot said, ‘Man, I’d give anything to be able to hit a golf ball like you.’  Gary walked over to the guy and said, ‘No, you wouldn’t.’  The guy said, ‘Yes, I would.  I’d give anything to hit like that,’ Gary said, ‘No, you wouldn’t.  You wouldn’t be willing to do what it takes.  You have to rise early in the morning and hit five hundred balls until your hands bleed.  Then you stop, tape your hands, and hit five hundred more balls.  The next morning you’re out there again with hands so raw you can barely hold your club, but you do it all over again.  If you do that through enough years of pain, then you can hit a ball like that.’ 

Take a minute to read that again, let it sink in and then read it to your son. As an athlete, are you willing to do what it takes to be better tomorrow than you are today?  I can almost here the resounding, YES!  However, I believe the true answer is a resounding, NO! 

Put Down The XBOX Controller

Athletes that want to be the best put in far more effort off the field than they do on the field. They know preparation is key to success. They believe once they've prepared for the game, the game will take care of itself.

Hitting, pitching and fielding lessons assist the player in becoming more skilled, but lessons amount to 30 minutes per week. When other kids are playing video games, the best players are:

• Running a mile to increase their base running speed and stamina.
• Hitting several times a week, in the cage and off the tee.
• Taking extra fielding wherever they can find an open diamond.
• Working out several times a week to increase their strength.
• Eating right and paying attention to their diets.
• Studying the game.
• Playing on any team, anytime, anywhere!

What most people don't know is the best players didn't start this routine a month ago, they've been doing it for years! It's part of their lifestyle and they are self motivated. No one is dragging them to the cage or begging them to work out. The best players do it on their own, when no one is looking. 

Is There a Price To Be Paid?

There is always the road not taken. Maybe there's something they give up, or delay having, in order to focus on being a better ball player. Often times the price they pay comes in the form of criticism from players, parents and coaches.  They are the center of protests, bat checks and intentional walks or some kind of attack designed to get into their heads. 

Bryce Harper was called a 'travel player for higher' having played anywhere from 80-130 games a year.  

When asked if he was deprived of his childhood, he replied, "No, I had a great time." 

Did it bother Harper when people criticized him? "I love the way people talk crap, I hear it all the time. Overrated. You suck. I'll just do something to shut them up, like, I'll show you. 

The best players practice harder, play more and put up with comments most of us couldn't handle. They are not only physically strong, they are mentally tough, and like Harper, use any negativity to their advantage.  

You're Just Lucky!

Does luck factor into success?  Some people think it does. There's no doubt, being in the right place at the right time helps.  But once there, the player still needs to perform. You can't minimize the importance of coming prepared and taking advantage of an opportunity when it knocks. 

A friend of mine told me he overheard a player tell his son, "I wish I could hit like you, you're so lucky!" I love what his son replied, "Well, the harder I practice, the luckier I get.”  Couldn't have said it better myself! 

 Baseball's Lebron. http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com June 08, 2009

Gone With The Wind...OR...Is This What a Baseball Divorce Feels Like?

Even if you've never seen the motion picture classic, Gone With The Wind,  you're likely aware of the final scene of the movie. 

Scarlett pleads," Rhett, Rhett... Rhett, if you go, where shall I go? What shall I do? "

The same conversation takes place between players, coaches and parents every season in Travel Baseball.  I've watched friends leave teams, left teams myself and been criticized for my involvement in both.  The fallout varies based on what method of separation is used.


The Shakespeare Method

"Parting is such sweet sorrow."  This may be the rarest method of player/team separation because it involves genuine feelings between the coach, player and family.  A calm and rational exchange of ideas is expressed,  well wishes abound and it all ends in a group hug! I can hear 'Kumbaya' softly playing in the distance.  If this is what you've experienced leaving a team, count yourself lucky...it's like seeing Halley's Comet, it only happens once every 75 years.

The Ultimatum 


This is the most common form of player/team separation. An Ultimatum is defined as "A promise that force or punishment will be used if someone does not do what is wanted". 

I recently received a call from a friend asking if I knew of any teams looking for players.  In my friend's opinion, her son needed to be challenged, get out of his comfort zone and move to a different level of baseball.  Was her son having a bad experience on his current team? Did he hate the coach or other families involved? Quite the contrary. Her son loved the coach, kids and parents.  It was just TIME for her son to try something different.   Upon telling the coach and team manager their decision to leave, the coach responded with an ultimatum, "If you leave, you can never come back." 

If you think this kind of response is the exception, not the rule, you are wrong.  Just last week I received a phone call from a coach telling me if my son didn't stop playing for Team X, he wouldn't be allowed to play with his team, Team Y.  I was told to make a decision and let him know. Interestingly enough, Team Y hadn't started playing yet and won't until the high school season is over.  My son isn't in high school and was playing with Team X for practice. Team X's coach knew, when school was out, my son was going to finish the Summer season with the team he committed to, Team Y.

The problem is, ultimatums are deal breakers; they end relationships. When you give someone an ultimatum you need to be prepared for the person to walk away.  Which is what our family decided to do.  The fallout can only be described as NUCLEAR! Here are a few quotes found in the email I received from the Coach who issued the ultimatum. 

• You have burned down bridges with almost every facility and organization in town.
• You completely disrespected myself, my organization and coaches.
• I had 4 different people on my team and 10+ clients tell me to stay as far away from you and your son as possible.
• It's a shame you blew a chance to help him get 'there' with our knowledge and experience and contacts with every SEC school in the country and scouts from every team in the league.

Unfortunately, it's been my experience that almost 100% of the time, when someone is issued an ultimatum, it doesn't go well.  

Parents aren't the only ones who deal with poor treatment.  I've talked to many coaches who are victims of irate parents.  These coaches are punished for cutting players and making decisions they feel are best for the team.  This issue is an equal opportunity offender and scars everyone involved, including the players themselves. 

Leaving a team can make you feel like the most hated family in town. None of us want to take our kid to the
baseball field and deal with glares and whispers behind our backs. 

Having put a team together, I know first hand the amount of time invested in the process, the sacrifices that need to be made and how it feels when the team doesn't stay together. 

When it comes to leaving a team most families take a great deal of time weighing their decision. As parents, we have the ultimate responsibility to do what is best for our child.  If the separation is handled well, or at the very least, cordially,  friendships can be salvaged and doors remain open. 

However, if  you're involved in an ugly baseball divorce, do what you think is best, develop a thick skin and get a sense of humor. 

But, when all else fails and you're faced with an opinion or ultimatum you don't appreciate and the coach demands to know what to do about the roster or the jersey he ordered? 

Remind him of what Rhett Butler famously told Scarlett as he walked out the door, "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn."