Gone With The Wind...OR...Is This What a Baseball Divorce Feels Like?

Even if you've never seen the motion picture classic, Gone With The Wind,  you're likely aware of the final scene of the movie. 

Scarlett pleads," Rhett, Rhett... Rhett, if you go, where shall I go? What shall I do? "

The same conversation takes place between players, coaches and parents every season in Travel Baseball.  I've watched friends leave teams, left teams myself and been criticized for my involvement in both.  The fallout varies based on what method of separation is used.


The Shakespeare Method

"Parting is such sweet sorrow."  This may be the rarest method of player/team separation because it involves genuine feelings between the coach, player and family.  A calm and rational exchange of ideas is expressed,  well wishes abound and it all ends in a group hug! I can hear 'Kumbaya' softly playing in the distance.  If this is what you've experienced leaving a team, count yourself lucky...it's like seeing Halley's Comet, it only happens once every 75 years.

The Ultimatum 


This is the most common form of player/team separation. An Ultimatum is defined as "A promise that force or punishment will be used if someone does not do what is wanted". 

I recently received a call from a friend asking if I knew of any teams looking for players.  In my friend's opinion, her son needed to be challenged, get out of his comfort zone and move to a different level of baseball.  Was her son having a bad experience on his current team? Did he hate the coach or other families involved? Quite the contrary. Her son loved the coach, kids and parents.  It was just TIME for her son to try something different.   Upon telling the coach and team manager their decision to leave, the coach responded with an ultimatum, "If you leave, you can never come back." 

If you think this kind of response is the exception, not the rule, you are wrong.  Just last week I received a phone call from a coach telling me if my son didn't stop playing for Team X, he wouldn't be allowed to play with his team, Team Y.  I was told to make a decision and let him know. Interestingly enough, Team Y hadn't started playing yet and won't until the high school season is over.  My son isn't in high school and was playing with Team X for practice. Team X's coach knew, when school was out, my son was going to finish the Summer season with the team he committed to, Team Y.

The problem is, ultimatums are deal breakers; they end relationships. When you give someone an ultimatum you need to be prepared for the person to walk away.  Which is what our family decided to do.  The fallout can only be described as NUCLEAR! Here are a few quotes found in the email I received from the Coach who issued the ultimatum. 

• You have burned down bridges with almost every facility and organization in town.
• You completely disrespected myself, my organization and coaches.
• I had 4 different people on my team and 10+ clients tell me to stay as far away from you and your son as possible.
• It's a shame you blew a chance to help him get 'there' with our knowledge and experience and contacts with every SEC school in the country and scouts from every team in the league.

Unfortunately, it's been my experience that almost 100% of the time, when someone is issued an ultimatum, it doesn't go well.  

Parents aren't the only ones who deal with poor treatment.  I've talked to many coaches who are victims of irate parents.  These coaches are punished for cutting players and making decisions they feel are best for the team.  This issue is an equal opportunity offender and scars everyone involved, including the players themselves. 

Leaving a team can make you feel like the most hated family in town. None of us want to take our kid to the
baseball field and deal with glares and whispers behind our backs. 

Having put a team together, I know first hand the amount of time invested in the process, the sacrifices that need to be made and how it feels when the team doesn't stay together. 

When it comes to leaving a team most families take a great deal of time weighing their decision. As parents, we have the ultimate responsibility to do what is best for our child.  If the separation is handled well, or at the very least, cordially,  friendships can be salvaged and doors remain open. 

However, if  you're involved in an ugly baseball divorce, do what you think is best, develop a thick skin and get a sense of humor. 

But, when all else fails and you're faced with an opinion or ultimatum you don't appreciate and the coach demands to know what to do about the roster or the jersey he ordered? 

Remind him of what Rhett Butler famously told Scarlett as he walked out the door, "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn." 

BASEBALL IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER! SO WHY DO I MISS BASKETBALL?

Nothing compares to Baseball Season!  You can sense Spring is just around the corner. Trees begin to bud. The birds chirp a little louder and the Grass grows a little greener!  The 'Boys of Summer' trade the batting cage for the diamond, shagging balls like 'Willie Mays Hayes' in "Major League"! Yep! We are a Baseball Family.

Then why do I miss Middle School Basketball?

Experiencing a basketball game allows the spectator to get caught up in the wild cheers of the crowd, the squeak of the shoes on the court and the referee's whistle piercing the air.  Basketball is a fast paced, heart pounding spectacle where five athletes run and gun up and down the court for four intense periods of play.

Baseball, in comparison, showcases the skill of each player on the field. It's a dual between the man on the mound and the lone hitter swinging the bat. What you see is poetry as the Short Stop effortlessly dives to stop the ball...and in one, smooth motion, throws the runner out at first. You may hear the crack of the bat as the hitter takes one 'Deep' for a Home Run, or the sound of defeat as the Umpire yells,  "STRIKE" from behind the plate.

If Basketball is Rock N Roll, Baseball is Smooth Jazz.

This year was my kid's first season playing competitive basketball. He messed around with recreational leagues, but nothing compared to his middle school experience.  I knew it would be an adjustment the first time I heard the Coach correct the team's grammar. When asked a question, there were only two responses, 'Yes Sir' or 'No Sir'.  None of this, yah or nah.  The team wore ties on game day.  Bad grades were not tolerated.  The words, 'Hard Work' and 'Hustle' took on a whole new meaning. They ran for what must have felt like days, not hours.  Sit ups, push ups, weighted balls, free throws, play books, weeknights, weekends...basketball was a full time job.  On this team mediocrity was unacceptable, Coach was looking for excellence.

What I didn't know at the beginning of the season was just how excellent this group of kids would become.

I am not speaking of their season record, which was an impressive 20-5 with a 3rd Place finish in league play. I'm not referring to the 3 kids voted to the "All County Team."  I am talking about the transformation from goofy boys to excellent young men.

This team suffered a heartbreaking 41-40 season ending loss last week.  As they headed to the locker room after the game, we parents struggled for the words we would say to our sons. A few long minutes passed and we were summoned to the locker room. In the center of the room stood the boys, encircled, arm-in-arm waiting for the cheers from the locker room next door to subside.

What happened next? Coach stood in the center of the circle. One by one, he looked each boy in the eye and told him how much he loved him, how much he meant to the team and how his door, and heart, would always be open.

These boys started the season with different backgrounds and goals. They probably thought Coach worked them too hard and expected too much.  When they left the locker room that night, they knew they were brothers. They talked about next year and an eventual high school championship. Were they Disappointed? Yes. Defeated? Never!

At the start of the season, I thought the goal was a Championship.  Coach knew the goal was to make Champions. And that is exactly what he did.

Is Your Athlete a Trophy Kid? Travel Baseball & Beyond!

I recently stumbled upon an HBO sports series called, State of Play. The first installment of the series aired on December 4, 2013 and is entitled, "Trophy Kids".  Trophy Kids follows five children involved in a variety of sports and their parents involvement with their athletic competition.  Involvement may be understating it a little, it's more like parental Obsession.

I wish I could say what I saw in the documentary was shocking.  It wasn't.  I have witnessed parents pushing their child to be tougher, train harder, be better.  I have heard parents criticize, reprimand and yell at their children.  I have been one of those parents.

The documentary is difficult to watch because of the adverse effect these parents have on their kids.  One father who's young daughter is a talented golfer, said, "Get the kid to buy into your dream. If you can get the kid to buy into what you're selling, you've got it made."  Exactly whose dream is it? 

The end of the documentary is a round table discussion with a sports psychologist, the filmmaker and former NFL Quarterback, Todd Marinovich.  Some may remember the ESPN 30 for 30 film, "The Marinovich Project." The film centered around Todd and his Father's relationship, Todd's rise in the NFL and the substance abuse problem that ended his career.  Todd was a product of an obsessive father's dream to make his son the best.

Here are a  few things I learned from the round table discussion.

1. The DREAM to play in college or make the NFL, PGA, MLB etc. should be the child's... NOT yours.

2. Love and support should be unconditional.  Win or lose. Good effort or poor, your child needs to know you love and support him.

3. Being hard on your child does not make him tougher.  Children are the product of how they are parented. Sometimes the tougher you are, the more tentative the athlete they become.

4. Ask yourself, "How do I react when my child plays poorly?"   If you can't handle your son missing a free throw, remind yourself even Michael Jordan missed a few.

5. FUN!  Your child should have fun playing the game.  Not everything it takes to play the game will be fun.  Practicing, training and learning the game isn't always fun, but is necessary.  If your son can understand and tap into what makes the game fun for him, ultimately he will experience less pressure and more joy.

These days, parents have a lot of money invested in sports.  Private lessons, physical training and traveling can cost a great deal and can be a sacrifice for a family.  However, the emotional investment is by far the most costly to a parent.  Wanting our child to be the next Babe Ruth, Tiger or Jordan can overwhelm our common sense and skew our perception of parenting.

I highly recommend watching,  "Trophy Kids."  Once it's over, I encourage you to have a conversation with your child and do a little soul searching.  I know I will.

Your Son Won't Make It In Travel Ball or The Coach's Kid is Playing Short Stop!

A wise friend of mine once stole a quote and told me, "We all leave baseball at some point. Some of us leave when we're 13 and some when we're 40...but we all leave." I don't know where he heard this, but it is 100% true.  

No one wanted Mariano Rivera to retire at the age of 43. However, I have known a few parents who would have liked a kid, or two, to retire at the end of a 10 year old tournament. Too much standing around thinking about Snow Cones to be interested in playing baseball.

Snow Cone! Cherry & Grape Both Favorites

Don't Exit, Sandman!

                                                                          








Maybe Johnny's parents shouldn't have pushed their son into baseball. Maybe the coach didn't know what else to do so he stuck the kid in Right Field and hoped the ball wouldn't find him. (The ball ALWAYS finds him.)  What about those kids who are really talented but end up sitting the bench or in the wrong position? How does this happen? The answer is more frightening than an 99 mph fastball coming at your head... The dreaded, Daddy/Coach! 

Before you say, "Not all Daddy's are Dreaded," I will admit there are exceptions to every rule. There are great dads who assess their player's skills, treat them fairly and choose positions based on what is best for the team...As long as their son plays Short Stop!

Forget that CK (Coaches Kid) can't catch the ball, run the bases and has the lowest batting average on the team.  SHORT STOP?  REALLY? KILL ME!!

SAFE!

Dreaded Daddy Coaches, or DDC's, try their best to be objective.  All parents view their son through 'love' colored glasses, including me, but I hate to say it, some of us need a new prescription.  The DDC wants his son to be the best, be the leader and carry the team on his shoulders.  What do the rest of the parents want? For the RIGHT kid to play SHORT STOP!  

Don't think for one second my kid was immune to all of this.  When we started in this crazy game called baseball, DDC's wouldn't let him play Short Stop or Pitch. We heard things like...

1. He's not fast enough.

2. He should stick to 2nd base, his arm will never be strong enough to play short stop.

3. His pitching motion is all wrong.

In addition, Friends of mine have heard...

1. He's too small

2. He's got bad body language

3. He's too quiet

4. He doesn't look good in yellow.... just making sure you're paying attention.

Daddy Coaches have a hard time properly assessing the skill set of their sons. This is true whether the kids are nine or fourteen.  The sad thing is, everyone else can see it, can't or won't say anything about it and it continues to be problematic.  Maybe that's why so many travel baseball teams split up.

If any of this sounds familiar to you, there is hope! As the boys get older, if you're lucky, a new, spirit lifting, baseball miracle comes along....The Paid Coach!!

Here I come to Save the Day! Or is That Mighty Mouse?

The Paid Coach or PC, is objective, assess his player's skills, treats them fairly and chooses positions based on what is best for the team.  And, if the parents never offer advice and pay the man on time....Then, Glory, Glory!! Our kid may get out of Right Field and have a shot at...wait for it...Short Stop!  

Sheri Super is a Realtor at RE/MAX Preferred Properties in Knoxville, TN, Ryder's Mom and

 an avid baseball fan!

www.knoxsuperagent.com   865-215-1118  knoxsuperagent@gmail.com

                                                         

BATS! They're not just in the Belfry! Travel Baseball Part III

      

  

The Fall baseball season is drawing to a close and I am  feeling a little...

Batty

1.

crazy; insane.

 Those who know me personally will be asking themselves, "So, what's different?"  I will simple chuckle and remind myself to 'un-friend' them on Facebook. 

Why am I feeling 'battier' than usual?  I have been over run with Bats. 

 No, that's not what I mean....Baseball Bats!

Bat 

    1.

    an implement with a handle and a solid surface, usually of wood, used for hitting the ball in games such as baseball.

Bats are a collectors item around my house.  If I had a dollar for every bat I've bought, I'd have like... $50.  

Not impressive, I know, but when each bat costs, on average, $200...Now you see where I'm going?

This gem was one of the very first bats I ever bought.  He was 5...why is it still here?

Circa 2005

   This next bat was used in Cooperstown 2011 .. It's legendary...Also dented and a paperweight!

6 Home Runs 1 Grand Slam

I got nothing for this one...

Or This one....

These bats I found in the garage...Maybe he used them, maybe he didn't. REALLY???

"I don't like the way it sounds, looks, feels..."

Brace yourself for this next Picture.  I think it defines my life as a Baseball Mom and why I often feel like a ....

BAT

 1. a woman regarded as unattractive or unpleasant.

"some deranged old woman"

1. 
   

   
   

My Trunk ! The HORROR! 

I see a bat bag, 2 bats, 2 chairs, a flip-flop, pair of cleats, blanket, cooler, Jimmy Hoffa and my self esteem slipping away...

I was relieved to hear this morning from a friend of mine, that his son has "more bats than a Haunted House."  He followed it up by telling me he just bought 3 more bats... online...at a good price...Super Cheap!  I wonder what his trunk looks like?




Sheri Super is a Realtor for REMAX Preferred Properties in Knoxville, TN and an Avid Baseball Fan.  www.KnoxSuperAgent.com   865-218-1115

Might As Well Face It...You're Addicted to Baseball! Travel Baseball Part II

 2005-2013 or 56 Dog Years

You might be addicted to Baseball when...

Searching for cleaning products to get stains out of baseball 

pants becomes your personal search for the Holy Grail.

 'Family Vacation' really means, the beach and a baseball tournament.

That's a lot of Shoes!

There are more cleats in the house than Imelda Marcos has shoes.

Or maybe the measure of baseball addiction is putting together your own baseball team. If so, I need Baseball Anonymous.

We have been at this a long time.  Ryder has been playing baseball since he was 5 years old. Let me just say, it feels a lot longer than 8 years.  That's because baseball never stops. It's a lot like 'Dog' years, every year of baseball equals 7 dog years.  With Summer travel ball, Middle School baseball, Fall ball, off season, indoor workouts, pitching and hitting lessons, our life revolves around America's Pastime. I'm tired just thinking about it.

So why did I decide to put a travel baseball team together?  Clearly, I am not playing with a full deck. I must have thought I didn't have enough to do.  However, George Steinbrenner himself would have given me a 'Thumbs Up' for effort.

Thanks George!

With a little help from my friend, who's kid happens to be an Ace pitcher, we embarked on this journey together.  We  secured the coach we wanted, grabbed a few of the best players we could find and made most of the baseball community furious along the way.  I think the Zombie Apocalypse will be easier to go through than facing the wrath of angry baseball parents.

Zombies...Not Baseball Parents, but close!

We pushed forward, scouted talent, called parents, lost sleep and finally came up with the team roster.

Let me just say, we had high hopes and were full of enthusiasm as we took the field for the first time. By the end of the weekend, our pitcher's sent 2 kids to the hospital and the police were almost called to ensure a fight didn't break out between the parents. Oh, the joy of sport!

We had a good season, won the State Tournament, and a few others. Our team had great parents and the boys enjoyed being teammates.  The season ended one sunny, Sunday afternoon and we all said we'd see each other in the Fall.  I swore I would NEVER do it again! Never, Ever, Ever, Never!

Hot Dog of a Coach

My new team is coming along nicely. We have a 'Hot Dog' of a coach, a few new players, new name and some really great parents!  I am checking into Baseball Rehab any day now.

Sheri Super is a Realtor at RE/MAX Preferred Properties in Knoxville, TN and an avid baseball fan.     www.knoxsuperagent.com   865-218-1115

Travel Baseball or This is Worse Than Dance Mom's ! Part 1

As a successful Realtor in Knoxville, I am not immune to running into, and working with some nutty people. However nothing could have prepared me for TRAVEL BASEBALL!  The sport where 14 year old's become the 'Boy's of Summer' and embark on a magical journey of baseball fields, hot apple pie and Mom! Well, not exactly.

Exactly what happens when mom and dad take little Johnny to the ball field is a phenomenon we may never truly understand.  Parents setting up their lawn chairs against the fence to 'cheer' on their son, sounds innocent enough, but in reality, there's nothing innocent about it.

Parents become coaches, announcers and baseball experts with each pitch, strike, ground ball and home run. Screaming at umpires for bad calls or screaming at kids for missed balls.  Faces red from the sun or disgust for the opponent.  What Fun! 

I have to admit, Xanax and duct tape can be found in my baseball bag.  Sometimes it's duct tape across the mouth for me and Xanax for my friends. Other times both the duct tape and Xanax are all mine!

Each game holds the promise of victory or agony. Each game becomes the 7th game of a World Series. Each parent like a dog after a bone, relentless in their pursuit of the Baseball Hall Of Fame!  

Each season begins with blooming friendships and team spirit. Each season ends with friends moving on and new teams forming.  Parents barely speaking and coaches running for their cars. There's nothing like it!

I make a New Year's resolution of sorts at the start of each season.  I promise not to yell at my or anyone else's son. I promise not to express my opinion to the coach, even if I believe myself to be an expert on the sport.  I promise to play nice with others around me. And I promise to encourage my son no matter what happens.    

I proceed with a smile to the first game, prepared to live up to my resolution.  I sit next to my favorite baseball friend, set my baseball bag down and open my Diet Coke.  "Strike One!" I reach into my bag for the duct tape....It's going to be a long season!

Sheri Super is a Realtor with REMAX Preferred Properties in Knoxville, TN and an avid baseball fan!